Kryden at the movies

24Sep09

Well, I am feeling good right now. I’m coming off a very strong showing at a new quiz night last night, where my team won every single round. Feeling very good. Hats off to The Burner and her roommates for being such fun teammates. If only Lighthouse could attract the same attention as Fat Frogg, then there could be more competition.

I’m watching the four hour version of Apocalypse Now with Kryden this week. We have to break it up into parts because we both get out of class late and Kryden has to be at his computer by the stroke of seven to make his WOW raids. Now some might be taken aback by this, or even slightly jaded. They don’t even know the beginning of my movie viewing experiences with Kryden. I’ve known the guys for three years and every movie we’ve watched together has come away with a story.

Kryden and I have never seen eye-to-eye on movies. I am an over-obssesive, critical maelstrom who walks the earth looking for that one perfect film and he is the target audience for Megan Fox movies.There have been so many times where we have walked out of a film and focus on completely different things. I always talk first, with an opening sentence saying my brief, overall opinion of the film. Kryden waits for when I bring up the female lead, so he will be able to say just how “smoking” and “fine” she was, this is his expertise when it comes to films. I will then go into excessive detail about her bad acting and he shrugs and says that need to learn to chill out and enjoy the movie. And by the movie, he means Megan Fox.

Kryden is a talker during movies, something I have zero tolerance for. Yesterday, while we were watching Apocalypse Now, he asked me why Martin Sheen didn’t kill Robert Duvall. I responded that that wasn’t his mission, he was still confused, so I explained to him that Martin Sheen has to kill another cast member from the Godfather. One who looks nothing like Robert Duvall I might add. Then there was the time we watched Death Proof and I had to stop the movie, because he wouldn’t shut the hell up after Stuntman Mike killed four young ladies.

Me: Kryden, this guys is a murderous psychopath. This is what he does.

Kryden: Yeah, but why did he do it?

Me: He’s a murderer, this is what murderers do. Kill people.

Kryden: Yeah, but those girls…they had there whole lives ahead of them. And he just killed them.

This continued for about five minuted before I could calm him down, I had to pause the film. Kryden is a sucker for anything with cute eyes and a clitoris. If Stuntman Mike had killed four young men, he wouldn’t have bat an eyelid. I’m not even that sure why he got so broken up over it. Anyone who has seen Grindhouse knows that the first set of girls were pretty, bloody boring. Any who Kryden just went back to his raid and didn’t watch anymore movie. Oh yeah, I forgot, Kryden would usually watch movies with me our sophomore year by looking over his shoulder after an explosion or any sound that even resembled a woman panting. The reason I put my TV  in the common room this year was so he would have an excuse to get away from his computer.

He also possesses an ability that I do have, the ability to fall asleep in a sitting position if the lights are off and an electrical device is running. So if Kryden can’t understand the plot or hasn’t seen any future prospect of female nudity, it’s lights out. Oh Kryden, one of my best pals in the world, but one of the worst movie buddies. Favorite movie: Lord of the Rings Trilogy. Which he didn’t see in theatres. Can’t win them all I guess.

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