Grant reviews filth: This week, Secret Girlfriend


Have you ever wished that your life was a psychotic roller-coaster of non-stop, socially awkward situations? Now there is officially a show for you, it’s titled Secret Girlfriend and the season finale was last night. In a way, I was very sad at the completion of the episode. Mostly because with the hit or miss quality of this show’s humor, Comedy Central will be forced to cancel it. Let’s face it, the old CC hasn’t had much luck with selecting shows to follow South Park, which practically gives a God’s gift of a ratings bump. I don’t know why this makes me so sad, I had only seen two episodes of the show. But Jack Danger and I have really come to enjoy Secret Girlfriend for what it does well, which isn’t really a lot.

Let me step back and explain. You are the main character of Secret Girlfriend, supposedly the first ever first person perspective television. So all of the characters interact and talk with the camera, and if one is properly hungover, deathly tired, or hopped up on potent cold medicine, it actually feels like they are talking to you. This is required watching with Jack Danger, who actually adds in his own dialogue for the main character, often to argue with other characters. You live in with your two lazy, dumby, cock-blocking roommates who waste their time creating blue viral videos and attempting to pick up women. The stubbled one can actually be funny, but the fat one is failing to advance the genre of “fat guy humor” by any visible effect. You, the main character are the pretty boy of the group, women like you and are always trying to hook up with you. As opposed to real life, where no hot girl wants to be seen breathing the same air you just exhaled.

The title stems from the fact that you, the pretty boy main character you actually aren’t, have just broken up with your crazy (but physically gorgeous, of course) girlfriend, Mandy. Within five minutes of breaking up with Mandy, you find a new long-term goal in Jessie (equally beautiful as Mandy, but a lot cooler). Technically, you and Jessie aren’t together, so that doesn’t stop you from flirting with your hot neighbor. Either way, you are trying to keep Jessie existence secret from Mandy, because she’s crazy and still actively pursuing you. The show hints that Mandy and the main have had sex since the break-up, which leads me to another point, I as the main character am a dick.

Now here’s the main drawing point for the show, here’s a hint, it ain’t the fucking jokes or plot lines. The main hook is the women. There are stunning, sexually forward women everywhere throughout the show. Now keep in context the first-person concept, so every episode you have beautiful women coming up to you proposing hours of guiltless intercourse, good damn you television. Also the first person perspective allows for lots of intentional butt and breast gawking shots. And it’s not just the physically attractiveness of the women either. If you want to see a Sports Illustrated level of skin at multiple point of a half hour program, this should be your first destination. It’s not like Grey’s Anatomy either, where you might sit watching it with a female friend a couple times for hopes of seeing Katherine Heigl in a tight dress. Secret Girlfriend finds plenty of ways for it’s female set-pieces to be wearing bikini tops or underwear. The bulk of this work load goes to the actresses playing Mandy and Jessie, you are going be seeing plenty of their skin through implied sex scenes or otherwise. Not even close to kidding. Man, I as the main character am a pervert.

But what really is the main drawing point of a Comedy Central show? Hopefully it’s the laughs, but sadly Secret Girlfriend is severely lacking in this area. This shows most unique element provides the biggest weakness. This show could have used its format to have a very improvised amateur video looking style, instead each scene is obviously heavily scripted and planned out. Just looking at the actors shows that they can’t be trusted with their own character development, their lines feel recited and practiced rather then incidental. There are also many moments in the show where they actually have a good joke to end a scene, but will spoil it by saying the line too quickly and/or cutting to quickly. Also the show never really goes into any depth describing who the main is, other then they are good-looking and women gush over him. If they gave him more to do and had more backstory this could remedied. However, its obvious they want the viewer to replace themselves as the main. Which is stupid. Let us see the story through the eyes of a character not a proxy. Man, I as the main character am kinda dull.

Secret Girlfriend either way has been an eye-opener for me with what is acceptable on late-night cable TV. I had no idea you could have constant sexual innuendo, graphic anatomical jokes, and softcore exposure of skin (including two scenes where its heavily implied a girlfriend in mid coitus with the main and another five second shot of Jessie in a thong) and still earn only a 14 TV rating. Man, TV has changed since I was in my teens.


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